| moved ---> xanga.com/raebeeezy |
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| i miss my cousin chris--problems are starting to erupt; and it`s dumb. I`m not going to have the sidekick2 anymore becos my mom doesn`t want my uncle making a big fuss over it. So i don`t know how I`m going to talk with the boyfriend becos I don`t want to use my mom`s cingular phone becos she`s going to check my phone calls and sh/t which I hate ):
Things are gay, the only thing thats keeeping me from being sad are my cousins, boyfriend, bestfriend, and some friends. |
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| I need to get out of this house and just breathe. Lately it`s just been argument after agrument from him. I haven`t done anything to deserve this--or at least I think I don`t. I know I told him it`s okay or what not. But I`m not okay with it--I`m actually hurting inside deeply; STILL. I did(past-tense) question myself if I still wanted to be with him; I did. I just want to know; how is this assumption show that you just love me? How does assuming and acting rude or mad or whatever, show me that it`s just your way that you really love someone and your scared? To me that doesn`t show me that--it shows me that your don`t trust me and that your questioning our relationship. Honestly; it does. You over analyze things and makes things bigger than it seems. I know I use to do that; and you told me that yourself--but your doing the same thing now and I just wonder why? I don`t know what to say. I love you; I do. But why do I feel this isn`t the end of this problem? I need you to prove something to me; I don`t know what, but I know you need to; so I can see that things will get better. Yeah, I know it`s hard having a long distance relationship like you say--but it shouldn`t be an excuse, feemee? I honestly feel like you will break up with him? I do. No matter how many times you tell me; I`m going to be the one who decides whether or not we`ll be together in the end; I still feel like your gonna turn on me and just flip the switch and break it off. I can`t take this, I need your help; I can`t work with this relationship alone--it feels like I`m holding our relationship on my own. I know you haven`t had a girlfriend in awhile--when you said that yesterday make me think; are you only with me becos you finally found someone, then later on when you find someone better, you leave me? <----- Why do i feel that way?
P.S. I`m NOT going to break up with him. I`M NOT. I just want you to think what you really want cos you know why? Cos I`m scared and tired of feeling like out of no where your gonna be gone unexpectedly with another trick. |
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|  Omg, the first picture we ever took with each other. My MAINbrother--Armando Breiz. It all began Decembre 31, 2005--New Years Eve. Hahah. We were meeting up Mickey, but fcuk that now. Anyways, walking from embarcadero to peir was fun--seriously. THAT WILL BE A MEMORY I WLL NEVER FORGET..eatinf at Rain Forest, me treating you out to eat. Hella Good. Kept me safe that day. I regret so much that we never conversated up in Mr. Whaley's Spanish Class. It`s going to be hard not seeing everyday, your graduating now--it`s real. Its going to be hard to let you go, i know for a fact i`m going to break down to you when the graduation ceremony is over. You mean so much to me kuya--you been the greatest and only big brother i`ve ever had. Having our random hang outs; brought us so close--remember that day when we went to SF, and we were arguing about those guys and who they were looking at--GOOD TIMES. I hope we have more time to be together and hang. i know we`ve been busy doing our own things, me having a boyfriend, you and your outside school projects and your new boyfriend. I know we will have our days again when we ain`t busy, hopefully it will be soon. Have fun in Hawaii. Omg i can`t bare knowing that your REALLY leaving me on thursday, the very last day seeing you at Westmoor High. Things we shared between us--no one can compare. The brother-sister bond we have is strong and i know it will keep strong. I love you. There`s only a few people i love, and your one of those  people. I`m so proud of you! You made it til the end. Through all those ups and downs; emo and hyper stages--Oh tell me when to go, tell me when to go *moves hips and hands side to side* YOU TUBE. Hahaha. We`ve gone through so much in so little time; we got to know each other, but we made the very best of it, so that we can remember those wonderful memories. You inspire me to express and me real. I know we will keep in touch and i know you always be there for me. I just want YOU to know that i`m will always be here 24/7 you know my number and myspace (haha). You are apart of my life as much as i am apart of yours--you play one of the keys roles in my life--that makes it better and i just want you to know that everything you have done for me means so much coming from you. I LOVE YOU KUYA!! Let no one tell you otherwise. |
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| 3 Month Anniversay and Bible Study tho. it`s funna go down tonight. Plus fiesta filipina, funna see my daughter keiah and Caitlers. Damn i miss them. Calvin, come back from sac you loserr. Miss You. |
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